Dear Bite,
My newfound boyfriend and I are having some trouble sleeping together (no get your mind out of the gutter I mean like actually sleeping) he is always way too warm and twitches terribly. I wake up and am covered in a pool of drool and sweat. How do I make this better/ stop?
-Sleeping Ugly
Dear Sleeping,
May I suggest a few options, one, you can straight up tell the dude “hey you’re a pig when you sleep, knock it off” or two; make him a bed on the floor like a dog and hope he takes the hint. His feelings being hurt is way less of a big deal than your beauty sleep.
-Bite
Dear Bite,
My girlfriend has been stealing my sweatshirts lately. I’m more of a muscular guy so my clothes are a little bigger for my bulging muscles. She’s 5’2” and she’s swimming in them. How do I keep her from taking my sweatshirts?
-Hunky Hulk
Dear Hulk,
I would suggest stop going to the gym more, pull a power move on this girl. I’m talking no protein powder, no weights, no cardio, nothing. Become so skinny that HER clothes are too big for you and then she resorts to giving you her clothes.
-Bite
Dear Bite,
I cannot stop compulsively spending money. I feel as if as soon as my (very little) paycheck is deposited into my account I seem to spend it all. Whether this be at McDonald’s or Walmart or even online shopping. I am so poor it’s not funny anymore.
-Broke College $tudent
Dear College $tudent,
Spending habits are hard to break, so I say why stop? Why not spend every last penny you have on unnecessary things? You deserve it. After all you did study for fifteen minutes for a class that required four plus hours outside of class. Go for it. #TreatYoSelf
-Bite
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