Dear Beaver Bite, I think my professors do not understand the concept of finals. All of my final projects and papers are not only due the week before finals week, but they are due on a Monday. How do I deal with the torment of teachers who don’t understand that finals weeks exist for a reason? -Stressed Student
Dear Student, If you find yourself with some professors that are having a hard time sticking to the schedule, it might be a good time to remind them that calendars exist. You can prepare it as a nice end of the year gift! Say several hundred? With every other page but December torn out? Make sure you go through each one and underline finals week in red, just to make sure that they get the memo.
Dear Beaver Bite, I’ve noticed that the UMF missed connections instagram page has started up again, and it’s always been something of a dream of mine to meet someone in a chance encounter. Unfortunately, I feel like I’m kind of a boring person. How do I make sure that people will be able to recognize me if someone reaches out to me online? -Restless Romantic
Dear Romantic, Have you considered wearing a feathered boa all the time? If it works for a peacock, then it might just work for you. You don’t even have to stop there, either. If you start trying to imitate a rainbow, you will definitely have some distinct features that people can call out in a post. Make sure that your colors always clash, for that extra special personal touch, and you’ll be known campus wide before you know it.
Dear Beaver Bite, I’ve noticed recently that someone has been messing with my whiteboard on my door and erasing all of my beautiful artwork. How do I get people to stop messing with my whiteboard? -Whiteboard Warrior
Dear Warrior, It’s time to take justice into your own hands. Get your uniform ready, the whiteboard signal is nigh. Who can stop the tyranny of people erasing whiteboards in every dorm hall but you? Go forth and embrace your destiny as super-whiteboard-person, guardian of the dry erase marker. Let no cruel act of erasure go unseen, let no evil vandalism go unpunished! I believe in you!