The Bite Me Beaver – October 2021

Dear Bite, My room does not have a thermostat and it gets a bit warm, even with the windows open. I am a chilly b***h and I like the slightly cooler climates, but the radiator gives heat that I don’t need or want. How can I stop the unwanted/wasted heat from escaping the windows without baking me or our precious, precious earth? – Polar Bear

Well Polar, I don’t know much about your human heating systems, but I’m pretty sure if you break the heating system of your building the radiator stops working. But that’s too easy. We need to do more. We need to make sure the radiator never works in your room ever again. So when you break the heating system of your building, don’t just break it with an axe or something like that. Burn that sucker until there is nothing left but a heap of molten slag. Your radiator won’t give you any trouble, and it’ll be ironic as hell.


Dear Bite, My roommate’s parents came over for the family fall fest, but I find them to be really annoying people. I can tell that my roommate can read the vibe, because they keep apologizing to me. How can I survive Family Fall Fest without broadcasting how annoyed I am with my roommates parents? -Restless Roomate

Well Roomate, the biggest problem here seems to be an issue of communication. While it might not seem like it, being open about problems is often healthier than keeping it all in. So start keeping score. Purchase a megaphone and a referee costume, and start shouting foul every single time that either of your roommate’s parents does anything to annoy you. Make sure that they are aware about how you feel at all times, even when nobody else is paying attention to you. And if all else fails, at least you can drown them out with noise!


Dear Bite, I don’t know how I can deal with all of this stress. I was fine just a few weeks ago, but it feels like everything has picked up all of a sudden, and everything is happening at once. How can I deal with all of the work that my classes are giving me and still have time to actually talk to other people? -Flustered Frosh 

Well Frosh, I have a lot of experience in being busy. Dam construction is a hot business this year! For your case specifically I would recommend that you spend a lot of time not sleeping. You might be really tired for the first 72 hours, but after that you’ll probably start to hallucinate! That won’t make you less tired or anything though, unfortunately. At least it’ll give you something to think about instead of all the things you have to do!

Annual Fall Fest Brings UMF Campus to Life for Another Year

By Sarah Pinette Contributing Writer

The Center for Student Involvement and the Ferro Alumni center invites all friends and family of UMF students to enjoy another weekend full of activities including the Carnival on the Green, a variety of crafts and sporting events the weekend of September 28th.

   The festival kicks off on Friday night with an outside screening of Disney’s movie “Tangled” on the Mantor green. Journey Bubar, a sophomore at UMF and an employee at the Student Life office, attended last year’s Fall Fest. Bubar says that this was a popular event for students to attend with their friends because most parents won’t arrive until Saturday.

   “The outdoor movie was really big with the students,” said Bubar. “Even if you didn’t like the movie, people still went for the social part of it.”

   Saturday is packed full of events for friends and families starting at 9 a.m. Many activities will take place on the Mantor Green during Fall Fest. The first popular activity that students gravitate towards is the bunny petting zoo which will happen on the Green.

   “[The petting zoo] brought a huge crowd, obviously,” said Bubar. Another returning event that gathered quite the crowd last year is the carnival put on by the campus CA’s. The carnival will also happen during the 9 a.m to 12 p.m. slot on the Green. Activities at last year’s CA Carnival included balloon animals, face painting and donut-eating contests.

   In addition to outdoor activities, there are several events going on inside buildings all over campus. Activities in the Landing, which is inside the basement of the Student Center, will be sure to attract a large crowd from 12 p.m. to 3 p.m. Some of these events include a photo booth and airbrush tattoos.

   Another event that is taking place in the Olson Student Center could be the most attended activity for the second year in a row. This is the “Stuff It Program,” that Fall Fest puts on every year. At this event, participants make their own stuffed animal. Bubar recalls this program as the most attended event. “So many people went that they actually ran out of beavers,” said Bubar. “They had huge piles of them but still ran out really quickly because it was so popular.”

   Saturday night ends with a concert by one of UMF’s acapella clubs, Clefnotes, at 7 p.m. The last activity starts an hour after the concert in the Landing. This event is the magic show put on by Todd Migliacci, an experienced and well-respected performer.

   The Fall Festival weekend is welcome to all and has something for all interests. Many students

see this as an opportunity to see their loved ones for the first time since they left for college. It also can be a time to forget about the stress that college sometimes causes and hang out with old and new friends.

   Another attendant of last year’s Fall Fest, Jess Freeborn, comments on her feelings of the weekend. “It really gets you in the fall spirit,”  Freeborn said. “And it helps with feeling a bit homesick.”

   “It was really worth it,” said Bubar. “And at the end of the weekend, I didn’t want it to end.”