Dear Bite,

I am a moderator for HvZ, and the past few semesters have been boring. The missions are always the same, and the players are getting to settled in the status quo. I can’t think of any fun ways to spice up the gameplay. Got any good ideas?

-Bored to Undeath

Dear Undead,

Medical science has achieved some amazing things. Wouldn’t it be wild if somehow, a petri dish (or two, if you’re not a coward) of a rare disease just happened to. . .disappear from the biology labs? And perhaps, break upon the pavement during game play? Decide if you want to be a moderator, or the moderator.


Dear Bite,

I have practicum this semester and I’m assigned to a middle school health class. I’m so prepared to teach, but I don’t understand the modern middle-schooler. I’m worried that I’m not hip or cool enough to make them respect me. Their lingo doesn’t make any sense. I can’t find this vape nation on any map, nor do I understand their obsession with increments of 14 days. What can I do to learn more about the modern child?

-Stuck in the timeline God abandoned

Dear Abandoned,

You don’t want their respect, you want their fear. At this age, those kids are meme-obsessed, demonic little gremlins that will mow down anyone who tries to appease them. Establish yourself as one of the Ancient Ones- one who created the first memes. You know, Bad Luck Brian, Overly Attached Girlfriend. Screw their current, pop-cultures references and slam with the stock format of a single subject framed by white and black block letters, with a set, thematic punchline. Make them understand where you’ve been, what you’ve seen, how it is to be raised in the trenches with the remains of long-dead memes.


Dear Bite,

I’ve only been dating my significant other for a short time, and with Valentine’s day here, I don’t know how seriously to take the day. Is it awkward to plan something special if we’re not at that level, or would seem like I don’t care if I do nothing?

-Sgt. Pepper’s Confused Hearts Club Band

Dear Sgt. Pepper,

Easy- tell your SO, “Babe, I got us matching bracelets!” Then handcuff yourself to them. You’ll be at a real special level by the end of the day.