Dear Bite, 

    My work friends and I have been getting together for True American game nights and we usually host it at my place. But now they assume every Saturday will be a game night and they’re inviting people who I don’t know well enough to want in my apartment. How do I explain that, while I don’t mind hosting games, I need them to stop setting the date, spreading the word, and inviting other people without my say so?

-Don’t make yourself THAT at home.

Dear home,

    Your coworkers need a sense of what it’s like to find uninvited friends in their home. Try surprising them in the middle of the night and whispering, “Let’s play a game,” over their sleeping form. Bring friends to liven the party, or some nice strangers to be adventurous. For extra surprise, you can all wear fun masks- don’t worry about major horror franchises that could turn this to nightmare fuel. 

Dear Bite,

    I’m Editor in Chief of the Flyer and though I love journalism . . . I also want to tear my hair out. When eight hours of editing isn’t draining enough, the Flyer attracts more drama than you’d think a peasant student paper could- between Title IX reporting, angry readers, and being severely understaffed, I’m up to my eyeballs in paperwork, edits, and emails. I’m also an unofficial TA for the journalism class and the students. . .they test me (guys, I love you, but when for five out of five issues you send PDFs or Word docs, not Google docs like I beg for, I make angry editor noises). How am I supposed to make next semester more survivable? Telling the journalism class I’ll eat their legs has put a little fear into them, but not enough.

    And to everyone asking who writes this column, it’s definitely not me sorry I have no idea.

-This Final Issue Felt Like My Final Breath (Darby Murnane, Editor in Chief and President of the Farmington Flyer)

Dear Final Breath,

    Clearly someone isn’t ruling with an iron fist. There won’t be any paperwork if you just set it on fire. You can rule over the flames from a throne of Flyers and spell your next headline in the ashes. As for angry readers and students who don’t listen, they can use their complaints and PDFs for the kindling. Though, if you do go with the leg-eating, I hear they’re great with a little paprika.