Bite Me Beaver
Dear Bite, Dude…. this mask acne…. I can’t anymore. My chin hasn’t seen a breakout like this since the middle school days of bad patchy peach fuzz and a constant oil sheen over my face. The hell do I do? Look I know we’re all wearing masks 90% of the time but there’s...
Welcome to Our Horrible Advice Column, Bite-Me-Beaver
Want to hear from Bite and get some (not so) DAM GOOD ADVICE? Write in to umfdearbeaver@gmail.com for a chance to hear back from a beaver that learned to type! Dear Bite, The Rocky Horror table in the student center keeps trying to sell me edible dicks and...
Welcome to Our Horrible Advice Column, Bite-Me-Beaver!
Dear Bite, My cat keeps waking me up by attacking my feet in the morning. Unfortunately, my immediate reaction is to kick due to being startled, knocking my poor cat off the bed. How do I stop this cruel instinctual vice? -Toe-Smitten Kitten Dear Toe-Smitten,...
Welcome to Our Bad Advice Column: Bite-Me-Beaver
Dear Bite, I was recently talking to this person and we seemed pretty interested in each other, but they pulled a 180 and now they’re dating my best friend. . . Do I wallow in self-pity or do I just drink the sorrows away as I wait for discount candy after...
Bite-Me-Beaver: Welcome to our Horrible Advice Column
Dear Bite, My work friends and I have been getting together for True American game nights and we usually host it at my place. But now they assume every Saturday will be a game night and they’re inviting people who I don’t know well enough to want in my apartment....
Bite-Me-Beaver: Welcome to our Horrible Advice Column
Dear Bite, I teach classes that often focus on women’s studies and feminism. In the past I have been told that maybe I should teach fewer texts about women and that my classes would be better if I wasn’t a feminist. What should I do? How should I respond?...
Bite-Me-Beaver: Welcome to our Horrible Advice Column
Dear Bite, When I shop for clothes, I like to keep up with trends and wear stuff that helps make me feel sexy. But lately my boyfriend has been telling me that my clothes are too revealing and that I shouldn’t wear them because they make me look skanky. Is he...
Bite-Me-Beaver: Welcome to our Horrible Advice Column
Dear Bite, Everyone. Is. Sick. And I am not about that right now. I am a Clef Notes singer so my voice is my baby and if I get sick it’s all over. I’ve already tried throwing crucifixes at people and screaming, “Ya germs need Jesus!” and I don’t think it’s...
Bite-Me-Beaver
Dear Bite, I keep getting late night texts from this guy, asking if I want to get coffee or see a movie but I’m not sure if he’s being friendly or trying to flirt. Should I ask, and how do I do that without making things weird? -Missing Signals Dear Signals, Make...
Bite-Me-Beaver: Our Horrible Advice Column
Dear Bite, I am a moderator for HvZ, and the past few semesters have been boring. The missions are always the same, and the players are getting to settled in the status quo. I can’t think of any fun ways to spice up the gameplay. Got any good ideas? -Bored to Undeath...